Political Humor

Continuing our Political Humor on a Holiday Weekend, the following is a letter we were forwarded from one of our readers. As it turns out to be, in various forms, on several other sites we cannot vouch for its authenticity. However we do think it is worth a chuckle or two -

Happy Labor Day Weekend America!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,

We’ve stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on what’s right. So let’s just end it right now while we can do it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

So here’s a model separation agreement.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a portion. That’s going to be the difficult part, but I’m sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate war, we’ll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Janeane Garofalo, Sean Penn and Rosie O’Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.

We’ll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical companies; we will keep Wal-Mart, Wall Street and Conservative Talk Radio. You can have the homeless, the homeboys, the hippies, the illegal aliens and Al Franken’s Air America. We will keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We will keep the Drudge Report, TabRight.com, the Heritage Foundation and the Christian Coalition.  You can have men’s low-rider jeans, NBC, as many Michael Moore Films as you can carry or for that matter Hollywood itself.

You can be nice to Iran, send your former Presidents to dictatorships such as North Korea and make overtures to Hamas. We’ll retain the right to invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security. You won’t have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to the ‘ism’s (such as Humanism), the ‘ologies’ (such as Scientology) and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.

We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars. You can have the compacts, the subcompacts, Smart Cars and every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everybody health care, if you can find any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that health care is better without the long lines and is no place for a government to decide who gets what and when its time to die. We will keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to substitute in their place “Imagine.” I’d like to teach the world to sing “Kumbaya” or “We are the world.” We will practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I’ll bet you all the Oil in Anwar which one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J Wall

Law student and an American

P.S. We will also keep Vice President Cheney, Dick Morris and Rush.  Inexchange you can have Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and President Obama.

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